New Blog

Since I'm no longer involved with Homeless Ministry in Dallas, I'm moving my blog here.

It's Been a Great Christmas Already

It's already been a great Christmas for me already.

Over the past four years, the highlight of my Christmas has been a Christmas Eve outreach for the homeless. I'm not doing that this year, and I was feeling kind of down, like I should be doing something to help someone. That's become a very important part of my life, not just at Christmas.

This past weekend, I joined my City on a Hill (COAH) Connection friends doing an outreach in Fort Worth. One of the ladies we met, mentioned her son. He lost his job and hasn't been able to find one. The situation is tough. He was a contract worker, so he can't get any unemployment. He's been sending out resumes, filling in applications, including a local McDonalds and still nothing. He is married and has two little boys who weren't going to have Christmas. Their grandmother is helping all she can, but she lives paycheck to paycheck as well.

My family and I, along with Adam and Diane had the priviledge of helping this family out. We bought toys for the kids, and groceries - a lot of groceries. In addition we were able to get them a gift card so they could get anything additional they needed. I also prayed for healing for the oldest son who was sick.

As I was about to leave, the Father said he had to "shake my hand," though we had earlier.
I was told when I turned away to head out the door, there were tears in his eyes.

One more "big give" left. We are giving small gifts to all of the residents in the my grand mother's nursing home. I'm really looking forward to it.

In both of these, I've been joined by my mom and my sister and it has been great as we got into it together. I didn't ask them to, but they wanted to get involved. My sister even suggested maybe next year we should just to one present each - and spend the additional money to help another family.

Strange, it now feels like the regular Christmas gift giving will be "nice" but not all that significant. My family and I have had a great Christmas together already.

40 Days

I'll be disappearing from this blog until October 10th.
The Lord recently questioned me.

Am I enough?

In a moment when I got beyond the expected Sunday School answers when I was really able to see my heart honestly, I had to say "no."
Yes I'm aware that intellectually he is. I can quote the scriptures. But there are places in my heart where I want more. I do want fame. I do want success. I do want more money. I do want accolades, affirmations. I do want my will not his.

So I'm on a specific and I believe God directed 40 day journey to discover, hopefully, that Jesus is enough. It will be a time of a lot of saturation in the scriptures, prayer, silence and solitude (per my friend Joseph :-) ), worship, confession of sin.

I don't know where this is going, but I have faith that it will be somewhere good.

A SPECK IN TODD BENTLEY'S EYE AND A BEAM IN MY OWN

A SPECK IN TODD BENTLEY’S EYE AND A BEAM IN MY OWN

As I read all of the posts, email, and letters concerning Todd Bentley and his marital problems, I thought about whether I should post on it or not. I have posted on the Lakeland revival before, so I wondered if I should say anything about it. The Lord made it clear to me that I was missing what God was doing.

The Lord showed me over a year ago that the church and our nation would be entering a season of shaking.

26 whose voice then shook the earth; but now He has promised, saying, “Yet once more I shake not only the earth, but also heaven.” 27 Now this, “Yet once more,” indicates the removal of those things that are being shaken, as of things that are made, that the things which cannot be shaken may remain. 28 Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. 29 For our God is a consuming fire. Hebrews 12:26-29

God is shaking everything out of our lives that can be shaken so we can fully receive the Kingdom which cannot be shaken.

Since God showed me we are entering a time of shaking, there has been a lot of shaking in the church. We have had some very serious and public failures and accusations of failures and sin. The list is long: Earl Paulk, Ted Haggard, Paula White, Randy White, Juanita Bynum, Thomas Weeks, Terry McAlmond, and now Todd Bentley.

It is easy for us to sit back and look at these leaders and respond by pointing the finger at them, pointing the finger at the devil, and even pointing the finger at each other. Often we rise to their defense or to accuse. I’ve seen lots of posts or comments along the lines of “I told you so.” I’ve seen many about praying for Todd and his wife which I echo. Others leaders have tried to explain their association with Todd and what they did or did not know at the time.

I believe the Lord spoke very clearly to me that this is not about Todd Bentley. It is not about the other leaders. God will deal with them in his way. This is about us – the church and what Jesus is doing in his body today. This is not Satan. The Lord has been working to get his church free from sin. If the church will not cooperate, he will expose it. Just recently a couple that are friends of mine had marital infidelity exposed in their marriage. The offending party admits to the error, but won’t yet call it what it is – sin. They are not high profile people, but God is exposing sin in the church.

THE SPECK IN TODD’S EYE

We know about some of Todd’s problems and sins. We know his marriage is in trouble. Many are convinced and I would agree that some of his theology is wrong. What about the sin in our own lives? What about sin in my life? What about the sin in your life?

WHAT DOES GOD WANT IN THIS?

God wants the church to humble itself, confess its sins, repent, and find healing and deliverance. Todd Bentley and the other leaders are symptoms of a greater problem. The church winks at sin or is quick to point it out in others while hiding our own sin.

There is mounting evidence that the divorce rate for those in church is the same as in the world. Pornography is a major problem in the church. In giving, the Kingdom of God is often what gets the crumbs instead of being a priority. Look at the way we spend money – big cars, big houses, everything is bigger. We believe in being blessed. Do we believe in being a blessing?

JUDGMENT IN THE HOUSE OF GOD

17 For the time has come for judgment to begin at the house of God; and if it begins with us first, what will be the end of those who do not obey the gospel of God? 18 Now “If the righteous one is scarcely saved, Where will the ungodly and the sinner appear?” 1 Peter 4:17-18

We are in a time of shaking and a time of judgment in the House or Family of God. That is what Todd Bentley is experiencing right now and what more in the Body of Christ will experience if we don’t cooperate with the Holy Spirit. We can either drag our sin into the light, or the Lord will.
My heart is wicked. Who am I to sit in judgment of my brother? More than that, why should I be a hypocrite and spend time focusing on his sin when my own is before me.

1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Matthew 7:1-5

Some of you know me. Some of you don’t. A few of you already know what I am going to confess, most of you don’t. For some, this may change our relationship. You may be uncomfortable with me. Others don’t care and choose to love me regardless. The reason for this confession is that I am dragging my sin into the light, so it can be exposed so I don’t have to worry that someday someone will find out and that I’ll be exposed. I want to be healed and delivered.

“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much”. James 5:16

I implore you, the Body of Christ. Don’t judge our brother Todd or others. Instead inspect your own life. Find those sins. If you are truly walking with Christ you see them. If you see no sin in your life, you should be worried. You are deceived.

8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us. 1 John 1: 8-10

HEALING AND DELIVERANCE IN GETTING FREE FROM SIN

Do you have strongholds in your life you can’t get free from? You may need healing from past hurts done to you. You may need to have curses broken from your life and you may seriously have to consider if there is demonic activity in your life.

It is possible to be a child of God and have demons actually in your body (not possession but certainly demonic activity). This causes a lot of people problem. Don’t people who are sick sometimes have “Spirits of infirmity?” If people can have Spirits of infirmity, they can have other spirits, spirits of religion, spirits of deception, spirits of death, spirit of depression and others. This is not always the situation, but the American church doesn’t really deal with these issues and that is why we often continue in bondage

I am not free yet, but I am going through a process of healing and deliverance that has born fruit.
I have been in charismatic circles for nearly sixteen years, and I have seen very little in the area of inner/ emotion/ healing and real deliverance from demonic oppression. I don’t have much in the area of resources to recommend here.

However there is a Godly woman (one of the leaders in our house church network) has been doing this kind of ministry for many decades and is helping me through this process. She ministers often in Canada and certain churches in California. Her name is Carol Cartwright and her website is http://www.cartwrightministries.org/. She has some resources available. She already has her hands full ministering to people, but if you contact her perhaps she can make suggestions for you as to resources she or others have. She may also be in a position to recommend a ministry in your area that can help.


My prayer is that if you do have demonic activity in your life, God will bring deliverance to you and whatever resources he chooses to use as instruments of that deliverance whether he just miraculously delivers you are chooses another vessel or instrument to minister to you.

THE BEAMS IN MY EYE

I confess this before the church not being totally free, but trusting Jesus, my redemption, for the completion of my deliverance and the totality of my freedom.

I am a liar; I have deceived many not revealing the truth of who I am. I have acted like I have it all together, while I felt dead inside from my own sin and failures.

I have the fear of man. I am not nearly as much of a bold witness for Christ that I should be. In addition, the fear of man or what men thinks has kept me from confessing my sins as I should and have resulted in me showing a mask to much of the body of Christ.

I am guilty of terrible stewardship. While this is now pretty much resolved. I wasted God’s money on self indulgence instead of Kingdom purposes. This is one area thank God that I have had a lot of victory in.

I am guilty of the sin of unbelief. I have often been impressed to pray for people, but have not because I was afraid God wouldn’t do something and I would look foolish.

I am guilty of Pride. I often think I can handle my sins myself rather than taking them to the cross and confessing them and confessing them to Brothers and Sisters in Christ. I want to be somebody in the church. I have to admit I want a big ministry. I like attention too. I say “let’s praise God for what he has done,” but in honesty, I have coveted his Glory. How many times have I given an accurate word to someone and said the right things – “Praise God” or “it’s God”, yet in my own heart I have felt the puffing up that comes with the attention of being known as someone who hears God. Even as someone who prays, people would come up and tell me that God answered my prayer in their situation thanking me. Of course I told them “It’s all Jesus.” In my heart, I’m saying “Oh yea… man of faith and power.” I have chaffed at the fact that I’ve served God for sixteen years and I am still obscure, even though I know the reason I’m still obscure is that I’m still messed up and if I weren’t obscure, I’d be even more messed up and would probably mess up a lot of other people.

Here’s the one that really messes most Christians up. All of the above should as well, but most people, myself included, tend to rate sin. I do it as well. That’s another sin. It’s not righteous judgment.

I’m guilty of fornication and homosexuality. Most of my life I have struggled with homosexuality and pornography. I have never engaged in any kind of sexual conduct or relationship with a man, but I have had the desire. (By the way, I just noticed that I tried to mitigate my sin, by telling what I haven’t done. We justify ourselves by what we haven’t done. We tend to pass by the whole “If a man looks after a woman to lust has has already committed adultery with her in his heart” passage. My desires have manifested as fantasy played out in the mind and pornography which feeds this perversion.

The Body of Christ must become confessional. We will have to repent. We have to allow the dark places in our life to be exposed to the light of Jesus so he can transform us. We have to submit to correction.

Pride must die. Rugged Individualism must die. That’s an American spirit that is not of God. We must humble ourselves before a Holy God, admit our brokenness and our need for him. I need God’s help. I need his people’s help. I’m putting down my mask and looking to Jesus for help.

I’m making this public confession, hoping to encourage others who have hidden sins and struggle to bring them out into the light and confess them to brothers and sisters in Christ so we can begin the process of sanctification and healing. This is hard for me to do and I know most of us put on masks. Take the mask off. The church needs to get real and we need to confess and repent of the sin in our lives. Then we will become the bride that Jesus is coming back for. Then we will be the church that the gates of hell will not prevail against.

MY APPEAL TO YOU

If you know that you have sin in your life.

Repent and confess it to God.

Confess it to Brothers and Sisters in Christ. Bringing it into the light helps expose it and reduces sins power in your life.

Get help with counseling, healing and deliverance.

Break the sin habit patterns.

I’ve confessed my sins to a few in my house church fellowship and the leadership of our House/Simple church network. Now they will all see it along with my friends. I don’t know how they will respond. It’s possible that I may lose friends over this. While that would sadden me, it is more important that God be pleased.

Several people have been ministering to me and walking with me through this stuff and I want to thank them.

Awakening Leadership (My simple/House church family): Joseph, Carol, Trish and Tammy

COAH Leadership (City on a Hill Connection – Our simple Church Network): Adam, Diana, Willie, Emily, Travis and Beth.

Friends: Larry and Flora

I am confident that I will be victorious because God is for me and has surrounded me with people who love me. I know you can be victorious as well.

Weekend Ramblings

This was a difficult weekend. My Aunt had a heart attack and is hospitalized. The Doctors aren't sure what they're going to do next. They've got her in a room that's running up charges but basically haven't done anything for her. She's just there in case something happens during the weekend. They wont actually do any real testing until today or tomorrow. Supposedly the specialist was out of town. In an area the size of Dallas and Fort Worth there is only one specialist? Give me a break.

On top of that we visited my grandmother in the nursing home, like we do every weekend. She was insisting that we take her home or kill her. She has alzheimers, and it's very difficult to see her like this. She was taken care of at home for several years, but it got to the place where the amount of care she required She was a strong believer, but this disease is robbing her in every way.

On the plus side, we had a great joint gathering of Awakening (the simple church I'm part of) and the Refuge. Interestingly many of the folks in the Refuge came from Shady Grove church which is where I was a member until the Lord moved me into the area of simple/organic church. We had great food, fellowship and amazing worship. It was a great time in the Lord.

Last night several of us went to Carinos to celebrate Kelly's birthday. She attends a COAH associated simple church called THE WAY. She also was part of Dallas Street Church for about a year. She just returned from a vacation to visit her family in Wisconsin. She will be leaving Saturday for a two month stint as an intensive care nurse on a Mercy Ship in Africa (Liberia I think.) We are all really proud of her. I'm sure that it is going to be life changing. I may not be able to make it to THE WAY's Wednesday gathering when they lay hands on her to send her out.
So, I took the opportunity to pray for her last night that she would have Jesus' heart for the people she will be caring for, that the Lord will let her lay hands on the sick and see them recover, that her ears will have be annointed to hear the Lord and her eyes will be annointed to see where he is at work. I can't wait to hear the stories.

Our COAH leadership team began tackling the questions about who are we leading, what are we leading, what should we be doing? etc. Everyone seems to be in a place of transistion at this stage and we're all asking the Lord what he wants to do with this group of people. They are hoping to spend time together at the House2House conference and seek God and see if he'll speak. I'll be missing the conference this year. My sister will be in from North Carolina so I will be with her.

That echoes where I am. I've been away from the Dallas Street Church almost two months now.
I've been trying to rest and seek the Lord. I've been reflecting on the successes and failures I was involved in as I was part of the Dallas Street Church. I believe my biggest failure was not modeling discipleship in a way that the guys on the street felt confident that they could do it as well. I reached out and helped out and gave. I reached out to people with servant evangelism. That's hard to do when you're homeless and don't have money.

So how do we make disciples inthe context of the poor. I believe it is more along the lines of silver and gold have I none but such as I have give I thee. The Apostles usually didn't have money. What they did, they did by faith through the power of the Holy Spirit. We have to learn to live in faith and model that to those we disciple.

Oh well, that's enough of my rambling for today.

Former Homeless Man doing great

Last night I visited THE WAY, led by my friends Willie and Emily Butler. The way is one of our COAH (City on a Hill Connection) churches. Two other friends who were part of the Dallas Street Church call THE WAY home now, Ben Heap and John Sanders.

John used to be homeless. He now lives with Ben, is working a steady full time job, has paid off all his tickets and fines, and has now received his driver's license. I'm proud of both of these men.

I found out last night that John has been going to downtown Dallas on Saturdays the last couple of weeks. He's sharing what God has done for him with some people he knows trying to encourage them as well. I' m proud of John. I get the feeling he and Ben are going to start ministering in downtown Dallas more often. That's a blessing

Kelly, who also ministered with us will be leaving the country a week from Saturday. She'll spend the next two months serving as an ICU nurse on one of the Mercy Ships.

I'm really proud of all of these folks and am looking forward to seing and hearing what God will be doing in their lives. God is using them in powerful ways. Willie told the group that by the end of the year he wanted all of them to plan a foriegn mission trip. I think that is an excellent idea and frankly one that every Pastor should embrace. I think it would do wonders in changing the focus of their congregation. Too many congregations are focused inward. A foriegn mission trip can help change people's perspectives. Great job Willie.

More Good News

I got a voicemail from John yesterday. He was really excited. He passed the written part of his test for his drivers license. Today he takes the driving test. This will be another milestone for him. He is still staying with Ben. He's still working. He's been on the job 2-3 months now working LONG hours. He got all of his tickets paid off that he had accumulated while he was homeless.

(Ben is on the far left. John is in the middle wearing the winter cap, jacket, and red shirt)

I'm really proud of him. I'm also very proud of Ben. This wouldn't be happening except that Ben felt God really wanted to disciple John, so he has really given John this opportunity to turn his life around.

From Matthew 25

33 And He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left. 34 Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 35 for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; 36 I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’ 37 “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? 38 When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? 39 Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’

Ben, I think Jesus is pleased.

Time for some HONESTY

The CLOUD is moving to IGNITED CHURCH!
Stephen StraderAug 1, 2008

Dear Family and Friends of Ignited Church and the Lakeland Outpouring.

The CLOUD of Glory will be moving to Ignited Church on August 3.
ALL OUTPOURING SERVICES WILL BE HELD AT IGNITED CHURCH!!!

AM & PMSaturday, Aug 2, will be the last night in the big tent. Todd is scheduled to speak Friday and Saturday night. Make your plans now to come to the tent for these great services.

Beginning Sunday morning, Aug 3, all OUTPOURING services, morning and night, will be held at Ignited Church. See the website for detailed instructions. www.ignitedchurch.com
DOORS WILL OPEN AT 9:20 AM and 6PM. The night services will be PACKED, so come early to get a seat!!! We have three overflow rooms prepared. PLUS, we have an outdoor patio that seats 400!!! So don't be late, or you might be sitting outside!

Parking is limited. If the lot is full, drop off your passengers and drive across the street and park near McDonalds, next to the Highway. (Do not park in any businesses parking lot other than near McDonalds or you will be towed.)

Evangelism Training will continue Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday at 1:30pm. Guest evangelists and speakers are coming from all over the world.

Hang on as the Outpouring grows even stronger! Todd will be coming and going throughout the month of August. You can see his travel schedule on his website... www.freshfire.ca.

ALL SERVICES will continue to be broadcast LIVE. Go to www.ignitedchurch.com and click on AM or PM. The website will direct you to iWorshipHere.com or to God.TV -- which ever website is broadcasting that service.

For example: This Sunday PM will be on iWorshipHere.com. Go to ignitedchurch.com, select PM, and you will automatically be connected with us LIVE.Your first time to iWorshipHere.com, you will have to download a simple program that prepares your computer to receive this high-quality video feed. Simply follow the directions. Once you've done this, you won't have to do it again. There is "help" on iWorshipHere.com if you have any problems.All services will be at 10am and 7pm, E.S.T.

COME MOVE WITH THE CLOUD!!!Pastor Stephen Strader

Pastor Stephen Strader is parroting the Fresh Fire Ministries line that it's getting stronger. This is far from the truth.

I've been to the Lakeland Outpouring twice. The first time was Memorial Day weekend. The first time was substantially stronger than the second time. Almost everything the first time was the soveriegnty of God. Yes, God was still moving the second time, but it was not anything like the first time. It is not getting stronger.

If it is getting stronger, why are fewer people coming. When I was there on Memorial Day weekend, it was nearly full each night - 0ver 8000 people. Now it is moving back to the church where it started from. Even with the overflow rooms and patio, I suspect it will seat less than 2000.

This just falls in line with what I witnessed my last night there. One of Todd's associates greeted everyone and claimed that the house was full that there were 8000-9000 people there. It was a complete fabrication. The house wasn't even HALF full. At best there were 4000 people there.

There have been a lot of mistakes made in this outpouring. But one of the biggest problems has been the HYPE. God doesn't need the leaders of the revival to hype what he is doing. Why did Todd push for this to be a media revival trying to get noticed by mainstream media programs like Fox News, Nightline, BBC and others. God doesn't need the world's system to make what he is doing known.

Todd also announced he's writing a book? WHY? There has been far too much hype, exaggeration, and now outright lies. God has moved powerfully in Florida, but too many men tried to manipulate it for their own purposes and God is shutting it down. Let's be honest. I don't believe God is done with Todd Bentley, but I am convinced he is in some need of correction and maturing in Christ. That goes for many of his associates as well.

I do not believe that Todd is leaving Lakeland to take the revival around the world. I believe the truth is that Todd sees what has been happening in Lakeland and this is an exit strategy for him.
I just wish there was a lot more honesty in this.

Stopped By Dallas Street Church

I stopped by the Dallas Street Church on Saturday. I wanted to see if Bill and David were still meeting. They are. There are some issues with the storage, which I am shutting down. I hoped that this month everything would be done. It's not. I paid one more month on it to give us time to get some resolution.

David was suffereing from headaches and a bad backache. I laid hands on him, rebuked the pain and spoke healing. After a few minutes of that, the pain went away. He was healed.

Reflections on Working with the Homeless

I've been away from Downtown Dallas a bit over a month now. Frankly I'm a little impatient. I don't sit and do nothing very well. I think in times like this, I see more Martha than Mary in my life. I'm sure that God is working on that in me. I have been spending more time in prayer, worship, and in the Word. Right now the Lord has me pouring over the Gospels... nothing else... just Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

What I do know is that I've learned some things about ministry from my time with the Street Church.

1. Be careful that you do not make people dependent upon you. While ministering with the street church, many of our folks began to see me as an answer to some of the things they wanted. It began subtly at first. After a time though, I learned some only wanted the "stuff" I could give them.

2. Dependency should be on the Lord, not you. You are not the source. God is.

3. I went downtown and ministered using "servant evangelism" approaches. I like to help people - so I took socks, and gloves, etc. This is ok on occassion. It cannot be the foundation of ministry.

4. So how do we minister. We minister in faith, in prayer, and in word. We must be more like Peter and John, silver and gold have I none but such as I have give I thee. The reason is that if you make disciples, they watch you. If you reach out to people using stuff, even if your heart is right in it, then they will feel they can't do that. Why? Because they don't really have stuff to give so they do nothing or very little.

5. I am re-evaluting how ministry is done. I don't want to be dogmatic, but I know I made big mistakes. I believe God blessed in spite of them because I did it out of love even though I messed up. There has to be a way to minister to people out of faith, letting the Father be their source and yet continue as God leads to use my own resources. The danger in this thinking is that I could become stingy, and excuse it by saying I'm teaching them dependence on God.

So that's what I am considering now.

Lakeland Outpouring - Trip 2

I really don't have much to say yet about this trip. Actually, I have quite a lot to say, but am feeling directed by the Lord not to say much right now. I can only say that God is still moving, but I also feel there are some real dangers beginning to appear. So Pray God's will be done.

Back To Lakeland

Tomorrow after I finish work (yea, working on Sunday - yuck!) some friends and I will leave out around 8pm for the 1200 mile drive to Lakeland. Unlike last time though, it won't be as rushed. We'll have nearly a week this time.

I can't wait to get there. It really isn't about most of what happens on the platform. Last time I got lost in the worship and Jesus became very real to me, and even gave me direction. I am hoping for the same this time.

Mission Trip

Kelly attended and served the Street Church for nearly a year. She called me last night with some news. She is going out of country for two months to serve as an ICU nurse on a Mercy Ship in Africa.

This is really exciting. I know she'll bless a lot of people on this trip and if the Lord opens the door, she'll share Jesus with them. I am convinced though, that God has something wonderful in store for her as well.

If you get the chance, pray for Kelly. She'll leave in August and return in late October.

First Saturday away from the Street Church

I got this email from Bill this week.


Hello John,
I just want to say that you are very special to me, as well as Ben and Kelly, and I completely understand your position ( not that you should worry if I didn't)
And I want to tell you that I care a lot about what you started, and I intend to continue it until Jesus says otherwise. I also realize
that HE will prevail on matter what. I will stay in touch.

Highest regards,

Billy

I was both gratified and saddened. This was my first Saturday where I'm no longer a leader or part of the Dallas Street Church. I bless Bill, David and Chris and ask God to direct their paths.

Crystal Balls... not yet

I'm pondering my future. What does God want me to do? I've been involved with the homeless in Dallas pretty intensely for the past couple of years. I know God is leading me in different directions. I have a hard time just being still. Already this week, I've been thinking about checking out the homeless hang outs in Fort Worth this weekend.

I know I'm supposed to stop for a moment, and spend the time seeking God. But I have a hard time just sitting back. I don't feel like I'm being a profitable servant if I'm just "going" to church.

This is a time of transition and preparation. I really don't know what for yet. I actually prayed God I'll go anywhere for you. I've never had a desire to do foriegn mission work, yet I've actually become open to the possibilities. When I see kids dying of AIDS or starvation, it hurts me.

Of course I'm also touched by what is happening to children in the Appalachian mountains in our own nation. In some areas it's almost like having a third world nation within the borders of one of the most blessed nations on this planet. It really baffels me. When I see the feed the children commercials, I want to pack up my car and head out.

So on one hand, God is really continuing to touch my heart for the poor.

On the other hand, I believe that the church has lost touch with its supernatural heritage. I come from a pentecostal/chairsmatic background. I read the Gospels and the Book of Acts and drool. Oh where is that kind of power in the church today. They believed God and God did miraculous signs. In the last couple of months I've made it my mission to pray for sick people. I've seen some healed. Nothing dramatic yet, but I'm believing God. Last Saturday evening at Awakening Church, I had a word of knowledge about a back problem. It wasn't a big deal really. We had a guy who had been bowling and his back was sore, bothering him some. We prayed for him, and the soreness left immediately. We prayed for a number of other people. I don't know the results yet, but I am believing God.

God has always done the supernatural. Why not now? If Jesus was glorified in it in the Gospels and the Book of Acts, why is he not glorified in it now.

So part of my life mission I believe is to see restoration of this in the church.

I've even thought of buying an RV, going into poor areas, hanging out, preaching the Gospel, praying for the sick and starting new gatherings.

If I went this direction I would

1. Get to hang out with, minister to and preach the Gospel to the poor.
2. Be part of the process of seeing the supernatural power of God at work in the church.
3. Discipling people
4. Starting new gatherings - The RV could be the starting hub until a home in the community is found.

Well that's just thinking out loud. God didn't say that's the way I'm going. He hasn't said much yet. But that's kind of on my heart right now.

Endings are New Beginnings

Saturday was a sad day and yet an exciting one.

Over the past several weeks the Dallas Street Church has dwindled in size. I'm not upset. Most of the reasons were good. Most of our guys have gotten jobs and were beginning to move off of the streets. Sometimes their jobs kept them from gathering with us. In a couple of cases the guys are now working and living in the Fort Worth area and it's not practical for them to come to Dallas. One of them, John, is now a part of one of our sister Churches in Fort Worth, The Way, which is a great church led by my friends Willie and Emily Butler. As a result, our normal Saturday gathering were composed of David, Bill and myself.

In addition, in the past six weeks or so, The Bridge, which is the new Dallas homeless facility has opened up, dramatically changing where the homeless hang out, their traffic patterns and everything. Frankly, most seem to be hanging out in the new Bridge courtyard. It's not a place I want to minister for a couple of reasons. First, having that many people in close proximity isn't really conducive to one on one ministry. Second, just getting close to the facility I absolutely feel the presence of demonic forces. It's so strong, I feel it. While I have taken on demons before. I have no desire to try to face that much demonic presence by myself. I try to use wisdom when I go after the Kingdom of darkness.

Over the past few months both Ben and Kelly who were great sources of support have felt the need to move on.

As a result, a couple of weeks ago, I really started asking God for the next step. What did he want us to do? I really didn't know what direction we should take. I prayed. A few days ago, I got part of an answer. I felt like I heard the Lord say that my time with the street church was completed. I was done there.

I didn't know if that just meant I was to move on and it was to continue without me or if we were to shut it down completely.

Saturday, I told the guys that the Lord had told me my time was done. There was a lot of sadness. Bill wondered if God had been displeased with what we had done as a church. I told him I didn't think that was it at all. We had missed God many times, but we tried to be open and repentant and if we felt we missed God we tried to get back on track.

For a group that usually ran between seven and ten people, here's what happened in the year and a half that we gathered as a body.

Two people confessed Christ as their saviour and were baptized
Many grew in their relationship with Christ.
Many grew in their knowledge and study of the Word of God.
Some were healed as we prayed for them.
Some received a baptism of the Holy Spirit and the spiritual gift of tongues for prayer.
Some got to go spend time with their families as we helped provide finances.
Many were warmed in the winter as we provided blankets, sleeping bags, and hot hands.
Many experienced Gods love as we brought them clothing and socks.
Many were fed.

I don't believe that God was unhappy. As a matter of fact, there were times I think he may have smiled.

Bill and David decided they would continue meeting and would spend time in prayer to see what God wanted to do with them. Would he continue having them meet? Will he bring new life, new breath, and new direction? Or will he tell them this season is done and he has somthing else for them? I don't know. God didn't let me in on the plans for them.

I started hanging out with the homeless back in October 2006. We became a simple church in January 2007. I've been ministering in downtown Dallas almost every week for nearly two years now and really I don't know what's coming next.

I've been in a place of transition all year - actually since the end of last year. I believe God has ministry planned for me, but I don't know what it is yet. God hasn't spoken to me about it. I don't know if it will be among the homeless or who. I've been trying to surrender my will to the Lord more and more to the point where recently I've told him wherever, whatever he wanted.

I think for a short season though, I'm going to relax in the Lord and seek him and make sure he is the focus in my life. I've been to Lakeland Florida for the outpouring once where God met me powerfully and I am returning, hoping for more.

So one journey ends and another begins.... or actually in many ways it's part of the same journey and we just stopped at a railway station waiting for the next leg of the journey to begin.

Dreams

God rarely ever speaks to me through dreams. Maybe I just don't get them and he has to be more direct. As a matter of fact, I rarely remember dreams, but the other day I had a spiritual dream.

I was in the door of a house. I was coming into the house. On my left, on a shelf in the entryway was a vase. A large cut rose was in the vase.

I looked ahead, and I could see Jesus' back. I didn't see his face, but somehow I knew it was him.

I looked and suddenly the rose started moving. It turned to face him, like some plants track the sun. I was amazed.

Then suddenly it burst into flames, leaving only the stem.

Then Jesus turned toward the stem. I still couldn't see his face, I just sensed that was what was happening. I watched in amazement as the stem blossomed out again, this time with a rose far more beautiful and far larger than before.

I don't know why the dream. I think I get the interpretation, helped out by a friend of mine, Larry.

As we seek Jesus, we die. But as we die, he brings his resurrection power into our lives and makes us better than before.

That makes since to me. I don't know why the dream, since I understand that principal already and have lived it to some degree.

But it was really a cool dream.

Another Homeless guy gets a job

I got an email yesterday. One of our newer guys who had gone missing for a few weeks contacted me. He has a job in Fort Worth now. He and his wife are getting custody of their child back. That's another positive.

That really only leaves two in our group without jobs. Pray for them. It's also time to make some decisions. As the guys are getting jobs, they are moving on to other churches closer to where they are working and living. This makes perfect sense and I encourage it. But that means we are down to just a couple of guys now. So there will be some key decisions about the future of the Dallas Street Church that are coming up. Pray for us.

Lakeland Day 3

Our third and last day in Lakeland we experienced the change of venue. That was the first night in the new venue out near the airport.

Again I had to wrestle with the whole church pastor/leader special line thing. It ticked me off, but I was able to release it to God again and I asked the Lord to bless those men.

The new venue was interesting. It's like a tent with an aluminum frame. But it was cool, they have plenty of air conditioning. I hated the seats. I'm a big guy and the chairs they are using just felt flimsy. But it wasn't a big deal.

During worship, I began to press in again. I wanted the authority and faith to do miracles, to heal the sick. Just what I was watching - just what Jesus told us we would do. I had contended or this the night before and I still was.

Then the Lord began to speak to me. He told me "I want to teach you the supernatural power of Love." I know it seems shallow, but my reaction was to reject it. I didn't want to hear that. It isn't what I wanted to hear. God has been working on me about love for years. That's part of the reason I've been involved in ministry to the homeless. I need power that works quickly was one of my arguments to God. Love is slow. Love is painful. Love hurts. I have learned many of those lessons. I just want to be able to have faith to declare healing and see people healed.

Frankly, I didn't have a clue what God meant by the supernatural power of love. I argued with him. I cried. I just didn't want to hear it. Then it was like he spoke inside and said that he knew I was having problems with it. Would I be willing to let him make me willing to go that direction.

I cried for a while before surrendering. I said yes. But what does it mean. I don't know really. It's the start of another journey I believe. In his goodness, he didn't reject me for my initial refusal and he didn't rebuke me. I felt him loving me.

I really didn't pay any attention to most of the rest of the evening. Todd Bentley and his teams layed hands on everyone (ever so briefly - there were several thousand of us), but that really didn't seem to impact me. I was trying to process what the Lord had said.... I still am. I've asked.

I think God used the Lakeland experience to bring me to a transition point. I know I'm not the same and by God's grace I will go back for a longer period. I had such intense fellowship with the Lord. Maybe he'll talk to me more.

God is moving in Texas too.

I spoke with Joseph, leader of Awakening, a house/simple church I'm part of. While I was in Lakeland, God showed up powerfully. A new person came to the gathering and as I understand it, she manifested some demons. She was ministered too, the Demons were cast out. If that wasn't enough, another lady in the gathering, while they were ministering to and praying for the first lady was instantly, and soveriegnly healed of partial deafness in one ear. No one was praying for it. She wasn't praying for herself. God just did it.

Tuesday evening, I had the chance to go to a meeting in a house. I'm not sure that it is a "house church." I believe it was just a wonderful couple in Jesus who want to see God doing wonderful things. I believe that God exceeded everyone's expectations. See my view of it here.